Thursday, 17 March 2011
Wednesday, 16 February 2011
So,
"When it rains, it pours" is what they say. The idea that everything can trod along perfectly fine, then have it hailed down upon by the heavens is such a cliche but truthful thought.
I met a girl... no wait thats wrong. I met a woman some half a year ago now (fancy how time flies...) by the looks of things at this current time - half a year of my life is all that I was given to take that opportunity and to make something lasting out of it... I wasn't able to this time round, but I'm sure faith will give me another go down the track..
Like this special woman, I'm just here doing my own thing, living and enjoying life the way that I know how. Till you came along.
I met a young woman. She's one of the most carefree, bubbly, loveable and open minded people I've ever met.. what really got to me was the fact that she saw the world in such a different light to everyone else that I know, she inspired me to want to achieve above and beyond what ever it was I had in mind before I had met her. I WANTed to travel the world cause of her, see different things and appreciate everything that little old Sydney doesn't have to offer. The way we could just stare and not say a word but still communicate everything we thought - whilst cuddled up on a cold overcast day hit many heart strings, she even had me on my toes as I carried out the boyfriend act infront of assface dudes as we walked the streets hand in hand.. the funny thought? I'm not the jealous type nor was I her official boyfriend to begin with... but she definitely is my baby.. and now womans got me talking all mushy and cheesy shit...
For months the reocurring theme of her issues with moving and studying/travelling overseas constantly came up as soon as we got to that DNM conversation level.. and it was balls. Little did she know I was paying attention to her moods and thoughts 110% of the entire way I knew her even before I gave her that first kiss.. I tried to meet her in a mental place where we could agree and compromise - but she never got there in the end. (.. not yet! anyway) ... valentines day.. whatta fucken load of rubbish.
I got involved with an international student? I'm as realistic as they come and I knew what I was getting myself into.. still ... I would rather have explored the opportunity like I have. Now we both have fond memories to reminisce about when times get shitty...
She kept going on about right timing, faith and things happening... thats all good and sweet, and I understand you more than you think I do. At the same time though all those stayings be as cliche as anything... albeit. if you come across another dude whats stopping you from using all those excuses again? ...you're the fuckin best thing thats happened in recent times and I would rather have seen effort from both of us to even just try.. it almost sounded like you were making excuses to end things - something that really shits me is the fact she always compared me to the other 2 failed relos... but Im not them, why does it automatically mean that things will turn out like them? even if the relo were to crash and burn the most cutting of all of this is that you weren't willing to try in the first place
Against all odds and places in the world you could have been and place I could have been chilling at. We still happened. Isn't that faith enough... timing enough... rare opportunity enough?
I remember saying there was a quote I wrote long ago that reminded me of our situation.. and I found it, so here it is...
"Put yourself out on a limb, risk yourself, risk your conscience, don’t listen to anyone, do what you feel inside, fuck controversy...... let yourself hope and hang amidst IMPOSSIBLE odds and situations for a *potential* ideal ending.."
14/2/11. I ain't scared and you shouldn't have to be too. Trust me.
Ima be waiting for that phone call... and I hope that call comes through
I met a girl... no wait thats wrong. I met a woman some half a year ago now (fancy how time flies...) by the looks of things at this current time - half a year of my life is all that I was given to take that opportunity and to make something lasting out of it... I wasn't able to this time round, but I'm sure faith will give me another go down the track..
Like this special woman, I'm just here doing my own thing, living and enjoying life the way that I know how. Till you came along.
I met a young woman. She's one of the most carefree, bubbly, loveable and open minded people I've ever met.. what really got to me was the fact that she saw the world in such a different light to everyone else that I know, she inspired me to want to achieve above and beyond what ever it was I had in mind before I had met her. I WANT
For months the reocurring theme of her issues with moving and studying/travelling overseas constantly came up as soon as we got to that DNM conversation level.. and it was balls. Little did she know I was paying attention to her moods and thoughts 110% of the entire way I knew her even before I gave her that first kiss.. I tried to meet her in a mental place where we could agree and compromise - but she never got there in the end. (.. not yet! anyway) ... valentines day.. whatta fucken load of rubbish.
I got involved with an international student? I'm as realistic as they come and I knew what I was getting myself into.. still ... I would rather have explored the opportunity like I have. Now we both have fond memories to reminisce about when times get shitty...
She kept going on about right timing, faith and things happening... thats all good and sweet, and I understand you more than you think I do. At the same time though all those stayings be as cliche as anything... albeit. if you come across another dude whats stopping you from using all those excuses again? ...you're the fuckin best thing thats happened in recent times and I would rather have seen effort from both of us to even just try.. it almost sounded like you were making excuses to end things - something that really shits me is the fact she always compared me to the other 2 failed relos... but Im not them, why does it automatically mean that things will turn out like them? even if the relo were to crash and burn the most cutting of all of this is that you weren't willing to try in the first place
Against all odds and places in the world you could have been and place I could have been chilling at. We still happened. Isn't that faith enough... timing enough... rare opportunity enough?
I remember saying there was a quote I wrote long ago that reminded me of our situation.. and I found it, so here it is...
"Put yourself out on a limb, risk yourself, risk your conscience, don’t listen to anyone, do what you feel inside, fuck controversy...... let yourself hope and hang amidst IMPOSSIBLE odds and situations for a *potential* ideal ending.."
Ima be waiting for that phone call... and I hope that call comes through
Wednesday, 2 February 2011
Sunday, 30 January 2011
Last Thought. Sometimes leaving things to faith don't mean u'll be happy.Anything is possible if you want it bad enough - make it work & act
It’s all good to leave things for when times feel “right”. That is this thing we call “fate” or having “faith”. Hell, even I’m a fan of that saying.
At the same time and in the true essence of ying and yang there’s gotta be some sort of counter force that creates the two opposing sides to begin with.
The art of “acting” and gently caressing factors surrounding the task or issue at hand into the desired (and more often than not) happy-ending.
The point in a nutshell?
Sometimes waiting can ultimately lead to wasting precious time and opportunities that arise when the only bit of encouragement needed lies in the act of - physically and mentally taking control of a situation - thus giving it that extra gentle nudge it requires.
At the same time and in the true essence of ying and yang there’s gotta be some sort of counter force that creates the two opposing sides to begin with.
The art of “acting” and gently caressing factors surrounding the task or issue at hand into the desired (and more often than not) happy-ending.
The point in a nutshell?
Sometimes waiting can ultimately lead to wasting precious time and opportunities that arise when the only bit of encouragement needed lies in the act of - physically and mentally taking control of a situation - thus giving it that extra gentle nudge it requires.
Tuesday, 25 January 2011
Cross That Bridge When It Comes To It
Greetings world, 2011 and this'll be that first emo rant in NOT so traditional Chiapoco style.. ha kudos to 2011.. To my readers, those that think they know me well or those that just read what I have to write know the following hits a few heart strings.. its that sorta post..
Topic of the day or night depending where you at - that Norwegian girl I quite liked calling mine..
typing time start - 11:17pm, 24th January.
When we first 'hooked' up I didn't think we'd actually end up being involved like we did with one another... something I'm happy happened. She's a real lady with that hiphop twist at that.. she that homegirl I been tweeting about this entire time.
Time flew by - cliche as it is - and before you knew we'd already been involved for longer than many of my previous relationships, we were going with the flow, cruising and just going along with it. Most importantly I treated her like my girl. However, something about her that really got to me was the fact this girl was a thinker - like myself - we differed however in that she regularly thought too much... She thought so hard she'd burst into tears infront of me, the thing was I couldn't do anything about it.
Just before Christmas she left for overseas to meet up and catchup with her family and best friends from all round the world.
Deep down in the gut I knew this would probably have been the last time I get to see her face and be able to give and receive that title of baby... not girlfriend or boyfriend.. just baby
.. the 'title' why did you ever have to get so caught up over that.. I'm probably the most chilled guy you've probably been involved with.. ever?
And so she left for BKK. The first week was pretty good, and even though circumstances overseas changed she actually made effort to call me, msg me and to even offer to skype with me. The effort she showed didn't last long and so I tried to gauge her vibe with a few sweet msgs and a very cheesy christmas present... I wasn't getting it back anymore - the preperation started.
Just yesterday we had a bit of a misunderstanding over shit on twitter - fancy that, you know shits not right when your resolving to twitter for communication. Anyway. I feel as though that was the instigator for what went down today.
Fast forwarding - I was on the bus back home, messaging back and forth with her this afternoon until I finally hit the soft spot. It all then naturally came out rushing in one plain text message.. so few words but shit, it really messed with my day - no matter how much I was preparing for it... with a few keypad strokes my involvement with this beautiful lady finally ended. I usually don't give up and reason things out logically but with a girl that thinks so much her head hurts and that fact she's there across the seas I couldn't do anything but agree and to suck it up.
And Mr Blogspot that is our story...
And here are my thoughts on the whole thing.
Why can't thinkers handle their own business?
... Why do they think so much to the point of insomnia or tears?
..... Why is this trait given to those that can't handle it? its almost slack.
I hate the fact her mind was 6 months down the track when I was here standing right infront of her right now.
I hate the fact I couldn't be there for her when she needed company the most
Hate the fact she thinks so much that she only focused on what her issues and concerns were months down the track and didn't pay due attention to what she HAD with me when she came back to Sydney.
Hate the fact she didn't understand that I was putting emotional risk into this as much as she would, as she could, as she should.
Hate that I was willing to cross the bridge when it came but couldn't just convince her to do the same.
Every moment we were "together" minus the whole "title" bullshit was enough for me. Her company was great and despite anything anyone may have said or heard about us. We were doing just 'us'.. for everything else involved "fuck it" was the answer.. to be honest I'd hoped that attitude would of extended to the whole fact you were going away.. to just "fuck it" and just enjoy the times we did have to spend.. i mean if you or I spent the rest of our time thinking what ifs.. we'd never really be content with whatever we have? I was quite happy with what we had, and i know you were too.
You were really concerned with timing and letting things happen at the "right time"... but why? why deprive yourself of being happy for the sake of having things fall into place at a time YOU choose.. cause that's what it is.. you CHOOSING when things were to happen otherwise having an "us" wouldn't of been such a burden on your mind. I know you're going to move over to another country for lengths of periods at a time but whats distance if you truly wanted to be happy? I would save up money for months just to fly where you are just to see you for one. This is how I feel. Truth.
You say you like me? but here instead your depriving yourself from just enjoying my company, what I have to offer you day to day and whatever else it is that made you fall for me like so. So why go through shit knowing that I'm willing to meet you in the middle to make things work? Im yo man, not a burden. Just like I should for my girl, I'm willing to make things work. Distance or no distance.
I don't know what happened in BKK that made you think like that, whether it be your besties convincing you to be single, or if your parents/family gave you talks or if you simply thought too much when you had too much time on your hands. Whatever it is, I'm still that Sydney Guy you fell for.
Still that dude made mega effort to court you when we met first, that guy that took you to that bridgeclimb to "start your birthday weekend off right", the guy who was there catering to you physically and mentally, that guy that knew exactly what kind of relo we'd potentially have and willing to work to make it work.You know what? I sill am.
Compared to past emo posts, this ones diff... I really am that chilled sorta guy and I had hoped that aspect of me woulda helped ease your mind.
From the reactions and disgust you express for any ex or guy you've been involved with I'm here already, showing you, infront of your face that I'm not that sorta guy.
Homegirl you instigated the breaking up but you still haven't lost me.
I'm going to make a big effort to meet you up when you come back to Sydney and Ima give you one last kiss & cuddle. I'm sure you'd appreciate that as I would..
If you don't feel an urge or want to work things out at that point.. then I'll cross that bridge when it comes to it.
Miss ya homegirl
... Always your Sydney boy
xo
End time 00:36am - 25th January
Typing time 1hour+ .. gotta be up for work in 4 hours.
ps. Lyrcs to that track I made for you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0ilpzS88_A
Topic of the day or night depending where you at - that Norwegian girl I quite liked calling mine..
typing time start - 11:17pm, 24th January.
When we first 'hooked' up I didn't think we'd actually end up being involved like we did with one another... something I'm happy happened. She's a real lady with that hiphop twist at that.. she that homegirl I been tweeting about this entire time.
Time flew by - cliche as it is - and before you knew we'd already been involved for longer than many of my previous relationships, we were going with the flow, cruising and just going along with it. Most importantly I treated her like my girl. However, something about her that really got to me was the fact this girl was a thinker - like myself - we differed however in that she regularly thought too much... She thought so hard she'd burst into tears infront of me, the thing was I couldn't do anything about it.
Just before Christmas she left for overseas to meet up and catchup with her family and best friends from all round the world.
Deep down in the gut I knew this would probably have been the last time I get to see her face and be able to give and receive that title of baby... not girlfriend or boyfriend.. just baby
.. the 'title' why did you ever have to get so caught up over that.. I'm probably the most chilled guy you've probably been involved with.. ever?
And so she left for BKK. The first week was pretty good, and even though circumstances overseas changed she actually made effort to call me, msg me and to even offer to skype with me. The effort she showed didn't last long and so I tried to gauge her vibe with a few sweet msgs and a very cheesy christmas present... I wasn't getting it back anymore - the preperation started.
Just yesterday we had a bit of a misunderstanding over shit on twitter - fancy that, you know shits not right when your resolving to twitter for communication. Anyway. I feel as though that was the instigator for what went down today.
Fast forwarding - I was on the bus back home, messaging back and forth with her this afternoon until I finally hit the soft spot. It all then naturally came out rushing in one plain text message.. so few words but shit, it really messed with my day - no matter how much I was preparing for it... with a few keypad strokes my involvement with this beautiful lady finally ended. I usually don't give up and reason things out logically but with a girl that thinks so much her head hurts and that fact she's there across the seas I couldn't do anything but agree and to suck it up.
And Mr Blogspot that is our story...
And here are my thoughts on the whole thing.
Why can't thinkers handle their own business?
... Why do they think so much to the point of insomnia or tears?
..... Why is this trait given to those that can't handle it? its almost slack.
I hate the fact her mind was 6 months down the track when I was here standing right infront of her right now.
I hate the fact I couldn't be there for her when she needed company the most
Hate the fact she thinks so much that she only focused on what her issues and concerns were months down the track and didn't pay due attention to what she HAD with me when she came back to Sydney.
Hate the fact she didn't understand that I was putting emotional risk into this as much as she would, as she could, as she should.
Hate that I was willing to cross the bridge when it came but couldn't just convince her to do the same.
Every moment we were "together" minus the whole "title" bullshit was enough for me. Her company was great and despite anything anyone may have said or heard about us. We were doing just 'us'.. for everything else involved "fuck it" was the answer.. to be honest I'd hoped that attitude would of extended to the whole fact you were going away.. to just "fuck it" and just enjoy the times we did have to spend.. i mean if you or I spent the rest of our time thinking what ifs.. we'd never really be content with whatever we have? I was quite happy with what we had, and i know you were too.
You were really concerned with timing and letting things happen at the "right time"... but why? why deprive yourself of being happy for the sake of having things fall into place at a time YOU choose.. cause that's what it is.. you CHOOSING when things were to happen otherwise having an "us" wouldn't of been such a burden on your mind. I know you're going to move over to another country for lengths of periods at a time but whats distance if you truly wanted to be happy? I would save up money for months just to fly where you are just to see you for one. This is how I feel. Truth.
You say you like me? but here instead your depriving yourself from just enjoying my company, what I have to offer you day to day and whatever else it is that made you fall for me like so. So why go through shit knowing that I'm willing to meet you in the middle to make things work? Im yo man, not a burden. Just like I should for my girl, I'm willing to make things work. Distance or no distance.
I don't know what happened in BKK that made you think like that, whether it be your besties convincing you to be single, or if your parents/family gave you talks or if you simply thought too much when you had too much time on your hands. Whatever it is, I'm still that Sydney Guy you fell for.
Still that dude made mega effort to court you when we met first, that guy that took you to that bridgeclimb to "start your birthday weekend off right", the guy who was there catering to you physically and mentally, that guy that knew exactly what kind of relo we'd potentially have and willing to work to make it work.You know what? I sill am.
Compared to past emo posts, this ones diff... I really am that chilled sorta guy and I had hoped that aspect of me woulda helped ease your mind.
From the reactions and disgust you express for any ex or guy you've been involved with I'm here already, showing you, infront of your face that I'm not that sorta guy.
Homegirl you instigated the breaking up but you still haven't lost me.
I'm going to make a big effort to meet you up when you come back to Sydney and Ima give you one last kiss & cuddle. I'm sure you'd appreciate that as I would..
If you don't feel an urge or want to work things out at that point.. then I'll cross that bridge when it comes to it.
Miss ya homegirl
... Always your Sydney boy
xo
End time 00:36am - 25th January
Typing time 1hour+ .. gotta be up for work in 4 hours.
ps. Lyrcs to that track I made for you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0ilpzS88_A
Worldwide, All Day, Erv'Day
(now look here)
You're that chick, who rocks em winged feet,
From Thailand, Japan, Norway, U.S and to Sydney City,
No matter how far or fast your think you fly,
Be it - 30,000 feet up high i'll hold you down - I'm that guy,
One day by chance you called this city watchu call,
By luck you bought that cute electric pink covered bb phone,
No accident conversation sparked between you and me,
People spoke, hated - fuck it - they're all history,
Minds racing worldwide, all day, erv'day,
I'm here though, kicking back, showing you my world, my way,
Just wana express to ya how you so tight,
While we - cuddle bridge high, and witness sunset melt into night,
We can chill, sit back, teach you tunes on the guitar,
Head out - and stuff ourselves silly at the local sushi bar,
Whatever girl, wateva you need i'm here i'll cater to you,
Cuter than a chubby kid, your my corny baby..boo,
No need to think, front, trip or whateva,
Forget - happy times, i'm here to make your sad times better,
It might be a load of jibba jabba gibberish but its my present,
In exchange I don't want a present, i'm down with just yo presence.
(Chyeah)
You're that chick, who rocks em winged feet,
From Thailand, Japan, Norway, U.S and to Sydney City,
No matter how far or fast your think you fly,
Be it - 30,000 feet up high i'll hold you down - I'm that guy,
One day by chance you called this city watchu call,
By luck you bought that cute electric pink covered bb phone,
No accident conversation sparked between you and me,
People spoke, hated - fuck it - they're all history,
Minds racing worldwide, all day, erv'day,
I'm here though, kicking back, showing you my world, my way,
Just wana express to ya how you so tight,
While we - cuddle bridge high, and witness sunset melt into night,
We can chill, sit back, teach you tunes on the guitar,
Head out - and stuff ourselves silly at the local sushi bar,
Whatever girl, wateva you need i'm here i'll cater to you,
Cuter than a chubby kid, your my corny baby..boo,
No need to think, front, trip or whateva,
Forget - happy times, i'm here to make your sad times better,
It might be a load of jibba jabba gibberish but its my present,
In exchange I don't want a present, i'm down with just yo presence.
(Chyeah)
Monday, 3 January 2011
2011
Its the 3rd of January
Time: 2.32am
Can't sleep, won't sleep and have just got a tonne load of shit going through my head for some disappointing reason.
For what I do know, today was an awesome day chilling with ->> Chan, Peony, Jnet, Celia, Chris, Paul, Paul <<--- at Bronte beach. Haven't actually been as I led myself to believe. It was a small beach, cosy and almost void of any lads. Sand was coarse and water full of seaweed though.. hmm.. weed... hehe
..
Entering 2011 I've decided to give myself the goal of being more open minded, postive and to attempt to wipe clean the hate slate... see how that goes
However, i did enter 2011 in a very messy "high on life" sorta way.. kept going until sunrise and beyond.. last man standing - kudos to me
Other than that my mind is in 1000 different places at the same time like it usually is and i felt like i just needed to type something.
Finish time; 2.36am
WT: 4mins
Time: 2.32am
Can't sleep, won't sleep and have just got a tonne load of shit going through my head for some disappointing reason.
For what I do know, today was an awesome day chilling with ->> Chan, Peony, Jnet, Celia, Chris, Paul, Paul <<--- at Bronte beach. Haven't actually been as I led myself to believe. It was a small beach, cosy and almost void of any lads. Sand was coarse and water full of seaweed though.. hmm.. weed... hehe
..
Entering 2011 I've decided to give myself the goal of being more open minded, postive and to attempt to wipe clean the hate slate... see how that goes
However, i did enter 2011 in a very messy "high on life" sorta way.. kept going until sunrise and beyond.. last man standing - kudos to me
Other than that my mind is in 1000 different places at the same time like it usually is and i felt like i just needed to type something.
Finish time; 2.36am
WT: 4mins
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