Hahahaha

signing on at 10:00pm

Figured this blog is perfect for those emo rants and your about to witness one right now mr blogspot. All other trivial dont-really-care stuff is at chiapoco.tumblr.com if you're into that stuff.... CHYEAHPOCO is where the real deep shit is at.

Topic of this evening..............................
Women <= ahuh

Why?

...Why not?

...... Why can I?

...........Why can't I?

.... Why do I?

Why should I...

"I'm no playa... I just get caught up a lot."- this is reallllll talk. lol real real talk..

Even if I know I have every means of overcoming it. I've got the friends, the personality trait and every other capability to get over it. The getting caught up and being undecided thing that is. I'm almost as bad as my female counterparts. HAH! Tonight though the issue isn't that.

Fuck

Everytime I close my eyes at night and reflect on the days and weeks gone by I'm never truly satisfied when it comes to the aspect of 'getting socially involved' with the opposite sex. You females stir me to no end.. I've sacrificed very important things to me, re routed the way I interact and have adopted what I thought was a natural persona that suits the phase and transition that I'm forever finding myself in.

... I still have life by the balls though, so this isn't a breakdown post.. more like that next extra step you take between leaps... I digress (love that word)

so whats the issue at hand?

Women. When I'm taken I'm not fully happy AND its just the same as when I am single no matter how 'active' I may seem to be. Just don't get why. sigh duck...


I let The Great White Buffalo go thinking that was the right step.. maybe it was, maybe it wasnt - haven't quite decided yet.. still I let an amazing person go. It wont ever be the same.

Compared to your average joe my single life has taken a turn and become a lot more interesting. Doing my single thing yet Im not quite sure why I still think back to the campanionship / holding down I had in the past. Hmm perhaps this obvious theory might shed some light?...
.... Peoples views/values/morals on relationships differ and are shaped accordingly based on the type of experience they've had in the past... the same attitude that'll probably be reflected throughout the rest of their day-to-day lives no matter how much they try to change things... nothing like a first time right?

I on the other hand have had a taste of both... short and long, meaningless and too overwhelming feeling of being comfortable... perhaps my experience has just messed around with me 'position' in all this and stuck me on a fence?.. meh like a real libran should I suppose. Can't have both the benefits of a taken or single life, gotta be one or the other -> Foor For Thought

So I mentioned this to Mr Reyes recently that I should stop trying so hard and to just "back up, relax" and chill...maybe I should really consider it cause come reflection time the amount of energy sapped into this part of my life is quite significant.. there are so many other things and ambitions I could be investing into aka N2S


You know what. The emoness just ran dry in this blog. Fuck It.

I GOT THIS BY THE BALLS