Dear Blog,
What a momentous year it has been since the last post which was just over a year ago to date. In life, love, family and work.
It all started with the conclusion of snow season 2015. I was effectively a vascular-path case. Legs all swol, cankled with pitting edema that would leave a finger indent in your leg... a dent that would linger for more than 1 minute at a time. Yikes. Like a bad nurse, I didn't deal with it until it was excruciatingly painful to the point where I couldn't sleep at night. The surgery done by Dr Robinson was done quick smart within the week and I was back on the road to recovery - 4 weeks off
Come October, I started to notice discomfort every time I closed my legs. It progressively got worse up until I read a facebook article with details that young males 18-35 should regularly check their junk monthly for testicular cancer, law and behold the realisation in that moment was made - I felt a lump. I wasn't actually scared when I found this but the thought that came across my mind was - 'oh fuck mannnn...' 20 minutes later I was at the GP getting my referral letter. My first specialist I chose based on skill and rep turned out to be a douchebag. I switched over to one of the older school surgeons Dr Eisinger. A bloody legend and cannot thank him enough for being the human being that he is. He is an absolute stand up bloke.
The whole process leading up to what was to be my first ever urogolical procedure was quite interesting. First, I had to jack off into a jar at the Andrology centre in Concord, to have my little kids and my blood tested. All good in the hood with some VERY strong Chiapoco swimmers in the mix. Needless to say if I were to lose fertility I'd still be able to get kids.
Fast forward to December some 1 month later I was finally there - 1 month of thinking I had cancer. I didn't tell family nor friends and worked my bloody arse off at work to keep myself distracted. It was truly a trialing time for everyone including myself that knew what was going on. Thoughts about imminent death and dying came to mind which seems so ludacris now but was indeed a very real possibility which I had to accept. There wasn't any running away from anything coming from the mind. Perhaps I didn't know if I was in denial at the time or if I tried to run from what was probably dormant raw feelings, but I cruised through that month effortlessly. Almost too effortlessly...
I had my surgery and it turned out all it was, was an infection - had it washed out and a partial debridement of some necrotic tissue and off I went - another 4 weeks off. Visited Angela in Dubbo who looked lovely, inspiring as always as she welcomed me in for some respite from the big smoke. Probably the most inspiring dancer I know as a side note. This woman embodies what is dance. In truth, I feel intimidated by how passionate she is!. . In the following weeks I just relaxed. Oh - I kept the (L)Nut. (winning?)
The feeling when I woke up from surgery was surreal - I was still waking from the anaesthetic of course but I vividly remember throwing up a hand in the air to fist bump my surgeon... "let's party" I said... moments after I fell asleep
There are times in your life, events, occassions and special moments that really test the fabric of what you believe. Friends and family will always be an ongoing and undulating wave of uncertainty as you try to sift through the garbage to find what is worth holding onto. What is real. Amelia, my broskie who I only ever got to know especially in the last 2 years has become one of my number 1s. She will probably never read this post but I owe so much to her. An introvert at heart with lots to give, I've often held back the heart strings that really matter - for protection? who knows. Amelia was there for me and understood my predicament even without needing me to explain anything. She was there for my consults. To see me through the tests and of course to get my stubborn ass into treatment where I probably wouldn't have bothered. To the Dully/Myra/Cathedral/Cotillion rabble that I call my boys. Much like Amelia you probably will never come across this blog let alone this post but I am forever grateful from the bottom of my heart where I let only a few in - the outpouring of support from da boiz was phenomenal. I found myself in a dark spot at one point and these guys without any hesitation welcomed me back with open arms into the fold. I've always been a floater amongst social circles - exploring, meeting, learning - especially during the post high school era. Not any more. These boys showed me where I belong and what loyalty means, it's a priceless/formless treasure to hold onto. They cried with me the only time I ever let the wall down. There are no words to describe that moment.
However...
... it's not over yet.
Varicose vein x2 followed shortly thereafter in around April/May. another 2 weeks off. Jack Loa does an impressive incision, about half the size of my original incision for my right leg! hmmm definitely getting him recommendations
More interestingly is what followed. During my stint with my testicular cancer scare I had a CT scan that revealed lung nodules in my right upper lung. Initially it was considered to be something to deal with in retro, something we could ignore. If it were TB then it's treatable. Unfortunately to me it turned out to be a rare fungal infection called Cryptococccus that immunosuppressed people generally get. Not only was it rare, but it happened in a healthy individual like me. Double whammy surprise! even the Surgeons and Infectious Diseases Specialists were stumped.
I had a lumbar puncture to check for meningitis, head CT to make sure brain was all good and an MRI of the prostate. All negative. So far, everything they ever asked me about my condition was either negative or unremarkable apart from the fact I was infected. Docs thought it's to do with the camel back I used in August 2015 during snow season. I also told them about smoking, but we'll never know.
The treatment that followed my diagnoses was absolutely crazy. I had NO FUCKING IDEA what I was in for. I had a PICC line inserted for 2x weeks which fed me a daily dose of Amphatericin which bloody nearly put me in dialysis. I missed out on the week of snowboarding I had organised. Ironically enough, the girl I've taken an absolute liking too happened to meet a bloke she's now seeing. I totally set them up even indirectly - ultimate wing man of the year or what? how about that for a 'dose' of irony? Still no wins in that department.
I was asleep in bed, nauseous and without energy for almost 21hours a day. Only getting up to be force fed crap and pumped with more fluids. This however was not enough - despite all my attempts to keep my body in check while I was blasted with treatment and by the end of the first week Kidneys failing. I was admitted for several days while I was pumped with - MORE fluids. Naturally I bounced back and as soon as I had the line taken out I fired off straight to the snow (Batlow, Selwyn) and fucked off to Bali for 5 days straight after that.
Bali was great. I really only had 3 days to explore but I took full advantage and stuffed it with as much adventuring as I could - absolutely the feed for the soul that I was so familiar with. I explored the markets, basked in the sun, watched as people ran from the monkeys in the forest, laughed in amusement when I had my bottle stolen by one mischievous monkey who opened and drunk the water! Impressive. I got a tattoo on the same day, climbed a volcano at 4am. Met a whole group of awesome travellers from the UK and France. Sipped on some Luwak coffee with the locals, got lost in Kuta, discover my hotel didn't exist, got bitten by bed bugs, explored the night light, met a girl - talked and laughed, beached the next day, got food poisoned, dinner with the same girl again the following night. flew home. Travelling, there's nothing else like it.
Work.
I've been acting as a NUM now for almost 1.5years and confident to say that I've managed to quash a lot of questions people had about how I would be in the role. We've come a long way as a pod, as a team and feeling much better for it. With anything there have been hard times and great moments! sharing it with my team is a blessing and I'll continue to give it all until we get to a spot I think we can just stop at, step back at.. and appreciate. Not for awhile though...
The NUM role has since been advertised and I was given a very odd interview but was told soon after wards that I was the preferred candidate. At this stage it hasn't been announced yet but it was a very relieving feeling, as though a ball of uncertainty lifted. At this stage I don't think I'll be leaving RPAH. Instead I'm going to use my energy and time to make it an even greater role than it ever has been before. Guaranteed.
Random outstanding facts around this time:
- Perry turned 29 today. My best mate since we were swimmers. Fancy being able to call him my bro up until now
- Completely crushing on a new girl. Did not see this coming. Although, she's already seeing/feelin someone. Maybe a blessing who knows.
- Snow season is officially out. Fishing is back on
- I'm the NUM now. No acting
- Mums finally retired as of a month or so ago
- Bought my first round of car parts to finally get the meg going once more
- Joined a basketball team with the boys
- Working at recovering all the lost conditioning from the treatments I've had this last year
- Working towards 5am gym sessions once more.
Life is turning around it seems. It wasn't really all that bad I suppose? 50/50
peace
C
